How a woman feels loved ............

A woman feels emotionally supported when you listen. It has been shown that men speak 2000 words a day, women, 7000. While men principally talk to relay facts, make a point, or achieve a goal, women speak for all of these reasons as well as for many other reasons such as to relieve stress, create intimacy, and form a bond. 

Unfortunately when a man tries to listen, often he either tries to solve her problems or he feels blamed. A woman was telling her husband about a friend. Her husband's response was:  “Have I done something wrong?”  She had to laugh at the impossibility of his question – he hardly even knew the woman involved. As a man, instead of thinking of your reactions, you can focus on listening. Yogi Bhajan once explained to a group of men,  "communicate to others that you have the capacity to hear them." 

Joe was a fine detail carpenter and a man of few words. Kathy, his wife of 20 years used to get angry all the time about their lack of communication. In couples therapy, she realized that  if he didn't feel blamed, he enjoyed listening to her.  In fact, once she started to tell him how much she appreciated his attention, he himself sought out conversation.

One thing Joe didn’t understand though, was why she had to bring up the same issues over and over again. He thought they had settled certain questions the last time they talked. A woman does need to go over the same issues many times (even monthly), but all she needs is that you listen. Maybe there will be some small changes you can make that will relieve the tension. Over much time, with the support of a loving relationship, she can conquer her demons and the issues can change.

Expressions of emotional support     

Treat her like you did when you first met her

Hug her          Display affection	Ask specific questions about the day	Take her side when she is upset with someone
Make eye contact when listening	Validate her feelings	Practice listening and asking questions
Offer to help if you see she is tired	If she is hurt let her know you are sorry for her pain	If you need to withdraw tell her you’ll be back